Rough

It has been rough the last few days. I am an emotional wreck. I cry about everything...which is not me at all. Poor DH doesn't really know what to do or say. He just hugs me and tells me that we need to press on to get what we have dreamed of. I know what he is saying is the truth but it is just so hard.
I am tired of having surgery, I am tired of being poked by needles, I am tired of everyone else around me having babies but me!
I have been trying to eat healthy, and I am tired of that. I just want to be skinny again without the work. LOL!
I just want to go to bed, curl up and stay there for a week. Too bad I have to go to work, cause I have paid so much for IVF and the 4 frozen babies that I can't even use!!!! DAMN UTERUS!

Waiting and waiting and waiting....

Well, I have recovered from my moment of madness. I no longer try to believe that somehow I got pregnant with some "missed" egg that traveled to be fertilized and implanted. I have now moved on to the emotional wreck that has engulfed my life lately. Now I sit and think that I will never get pregnant, my uterus will never be scar free enough to transfter my 4 tiny miracles sitting in a lab in Wisconsin and I can't afford a surrogate.
Yep, the madness is gone but the wreckage is here!!!

I have lost it!

Good morning all! I think I have officially lost my mind! I was sitting here thinking this morning that my boobs hurt, I have been peeing a lot...then I was like...what if they left an egg in there, I ovulated and I am pregnant! I actually sat and entertained the idea for about 10 minutes before I screwed my head on straight and came back down to earth. They didn't leave any eggs in there and I am not pregnant...just feeling the effects of the trigger.What an emotional roller coaster this all is.

Up to date

Ok so lets get everyone up to date on what we have done so far:

IVF #1 2007
Cancelled due to b/w and diagnosis of Asherman's Syndrome

IVF #2 Wisconsin Fertility Institute with WONDERFUL DR. Olive!!!!
8/07/09 Start BCP
8/25/09 Start Lupron 10iu
9/03/09 Baseline u/s and bw & hopefully start Follistim
9/08/09 IVF cancelled due to follicle that grew while on Lupron
9/11/09 Took trigger to ovulate

IVF#3
9/18/09 U/s and bw start Lupron 20iu
9/29/09 Baseline u/s and bw
9/29/09 Start Follistim 375
10/03/09 U/s and bw
10/07/09 U/s and bw upped Follistim to 450!!!
10/09/09 U/s and bw Trigger tonight!!!!
10/11/09 ER 7 eggs
10/13/09 4 embryos, 3 grade 1 and 1 grade 2
10/14/09 All 4 embryos frozen

Scar tissue returned in corners of my uterus...12th hysteroscopy scheduled November 18th